How to Cope: Take good care of yourself
Step 1 (or Powertool 1) in the Beyond Blame System is the foundation for everything else you will do to better manage your relationship with your loved one. In this step, you'll learn how to handle emotions like depression, worry, guilt, shame, and solve physical issues like difficulty sleeping, headaches, and stomach problems.
How to Cope: Uncover What Keeps You Feeling Stuck
Step 2 (or Powertool 2) in the Beyond Blame System is about feeling in control. Do you feel unable to make decisions because danger lies in every choice, yet you feel compelled to do something? Are you damned if you do, damned if you don't? If so, then you're feeling stuck.
How to Cope: Communicate to Be Heard
Step 3 (or Powertool 3) in the Beyond Blame System is about listening and feeling heard. It's tough to communicate with people who have personality disorders because the disorder garbles both incoming and outgoing messages, causing massive chaos and confusion.
How to Cope: Set Limits with Love
Step 4 (or Powertool 4) in the Beyond Blame System is about boundaries. When I asked members of my Welcome to Oz Online Family Community, "What happened when you set limits with your family member?" they say things like, ""I told him he didn't understand my perspective; he told me I didn't understand his." In this step, you'll learn to set limits with clarity and confience.
How to Cope: Reinforce the Right Behavior
Step 5 (or Powertool 5) in the Beyond Blame System has to do with how you act, not what you say. Now that you've set your limits and communicated them to your family member, the next step (step 5) is learning how to maintain them. The key is to remember that the real message is not what you say, but what you do.